No light

I have never
Let it get that far
I have never
Not seen
The light at the end of the tunnel
Until
Today

I wanted to drive
As far away from my feelings as my car would take me
Wherever would help me stop caring
I just wanted everything to
Stop

I wrote some notes in my head

"I love you. I'm sorry."

"You have always been the best family. It's not your fault."

"It's understandable but you were the biggest disappointment when I needed you the most."

Things that stopped me:
- being on the phone
- how big the waves were
- how cold it was
- knowing it was the most selfish thing I could do and that it would hurt everyone I cared about

So close to the edge.